Did you call me an Indian?

Indian Colleagues Dancing

Did you call me an Indian?

Did you call me an Indian?

I did not hear you because

I was busy dancing with you

In the rhythm of your song

In the steps of your dance!

Did you say me I don’t speak Hindi?

With Rita in Festival

I did not think I should speak because

My tongue is not easy to copy your tone

Because I was busy listening you

In the gathering that you invited me!

Did you say I look different?

I did not notice that my skin was

Slightly different from yours

Because I see both of us dark

I didn't know that you like to be a foreigner!

I was worshiping with Indian colleagues

Did you say I did not dance like you?

I did not know that I was lost

In the beauty of your dance copying the steps

That I was in love intensely, and I have forgotten

My nationality, language, and color

Because I was in love of rituals and cultures

No matter I was really different from you!

Best Dashain Afar From Home!

Best Dashain Afar From Home!

The gathering with best thought and best wishes

Full of enthusiasm and hopes, I see you all today

No matter what you are or what you did not like

No matter what it was or what I could be

I was pleased to see you all together

With the same hope and interest there!

My folks with the same blood, and bread

With the same origin and the same root

Full of enthusiasm and hope, I see you all today

The festive mood, the force of occasion

I see you all with the same interest

Coming under the same roof for this moment!

I forgot the unforgotten past

I forgot the pain of death and missed

And I was pleased being with you all together

Again for this festival with you all around

Under the same roof, under the philosophy

Of being a Nepali in abroad with hopes and dreams

To celebrate the festival with common ends!

My heart was full of joys and merrymaking

Though I was afar in my reality owing to death in the family

Still I see you folks around me—dear brothers and sisters

We were blessed to be together all members under the same roof

With the same hopes and dreams celebrating our joyful dashian

No matter how far we are from homes and relatives

Yet we observed the day with interests and blessings!

Dashain on the other end of telephone

Dashain on the other end of telephone

I dialed "that" number years later

To celebrate Dashain, the national festival back in home,

To recall sweet days of happy gathering, and blessings from

Dad, mom, elders, and other relatives!

Number changed, things happened and voice changed

I did not know that it was my younger brother, I did not know that

I was my younger sister, then it was my dad, and it was my mom on the phone—

Because words were sweet, dear, loving and full of blessings and belonging.

I was in the paradise of a happy family with each of them,

I saw a lovely home, full of relatives, sweet festive melodies in the background, roses and flowers in the garden, blessings, and colors.

Dashain—the national festival of Nepalese!

It was more meaningful, more colorful more than it used be when I was home, that I felt

On the other end of telephone!

First time the Dashain on the telephone.

Mom told me that brother passed his medical doctor, and became an army officer

Dad repeated the success of my brother; the great sister also reminded they haven't forgotten me!

Little sister expected her dakchhina/ money for her college,

Things got changed, I regretted for not making a call for so long, years!

I was lost in thoughts why I could not call my "happy" family!

Mom continued her blessings, dad repeated her lines

The big sister wished a good luck and victory of Dashain rituals,

I was spellbound, and kept on listening on the other end of telephone.

Time healed my wound---the one I got in my growing,

Mom acknowledged the success of her fifth grade son with an F

Dad acknowledged the talent of the boy whom he picked up on the road,

Who transformed the fifth grader with an A+, but

The road boy was ignored somewhere in "that" fifteen years,

Things got changed—dad and mom once thanked the past—the road boy

 On the other end the telephone!

I felt Dashain in Jonesboro existed

In my sweet memories, in my sweet past15 years—

All being a paradise on the other end of telephone!

The Last Song/Love

The Last Song/Love!

Wish it could not be the last this moment

Of my breathing, of seeing the beautiful world!

I could not know myself, and could not see further

Being lost in illusive things that I entangled with

Or I was blind not seeing you enough near!

Learnt what you learnt is not enough to gauge

The directions you like to focus, the love you like

To grow out of it—but just get mingled one after another

Into the messy charm of confusion—and keep on moving

Love after love, love after love, love after love

With no love enough to grow in your real life!

I ignored my growing, my past and my surrounding

And moved away from all whom I belonged to for ages

Disguised myself, got altered my blood, foods and culture

But yet I'm not what I meant to be—because I got lost and disguised,

Into the wildness of bountiful world without knowing it!

Half life gone—sleeping, eating, and thinking but nothing fruitful

If it goes, without knowing reality, beauty, and truth

I am moving away from the whole life, from the whole love!

I should run and grab—my past, my parents, my siblings and my blood!

(After watching Ronnie (Miley Cyrus)'s role in The Last Song,  a film based on Nicholas Sparks' novel)

Friday Night with Adam, Kathleen and Rachel

A night as it used to be,
The Friday night in my little world,
I just stopped watching "Mr. Deeds"--
Adam Sandler made me laughed,
Cried, jumped, and did not know--
Happiness just comes like that unheard uncle's death!

I could not go away from my little world,
Kathleen Benner (Sydney) and Rachel Owen (Jane)
Stopped me with "Running on Empty Dreams"--
One with happily married life, and another with
Unexpected death of Sydney with cancer--
I stopped there for a moment thinking
How life goes like that! A short life here!

One comedy with fun, and another with family
Little with lesbians plight --and reality bites! 

Chasing Dreams

Chasing Dreams

Headless horse riding men and women

Like in those fairy tales of my grandpa who

Narrated me thirty springs ago in his village

Are chasing me sometimes in my dreams

Other times in my everyday life whom

I cross encountered again in his village.

Thousands oceans afar I make my living

With vista of those childhood memories,

And some dreams that I dared to grow

In those sweet sixteen when I fell in love

With unseen world and unmarked achievements,

And I am puzzled today with bygone days.

The higher I am in my ivory tower

Of dreamed world, the clearer I see:

Headless men, women, horses, and fallen houses

Still walking, still living, still coming,

Closer to my body in this crowed New York where

I did not see my grandma, and her children.

 Picture Source: Headless Fairy Tale



June 1, 2011 Wed


Two professors of different expectations at the first class the summer session, one mostly focused on his agenda on diversity and religion and the other dealt with ethical reasoning leadership. I did have nothing but to follow their instructions because it was the session of six credit hours. The first class was wonderful as I was familiar the nature of works with the help of notes given by Char, my colleague in the department. Today it was determined that our classes would meet 4:00 pm through 10:00 pm each week Mon-Wed.
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June 2-4, 2011 Th-Sun

It was the hardest week in my entire life for holding a job which I was not supposed to work. Andrea offered me a wonderful job at the learning center about a month ago, and I agreed but I had not shared with anyone! I could not continue holding this job because my first job at the Center was the best. Worked in both places, I would be questioned because a foreign student could not hold two positions when he or she is in full study session.

Char became my sole decision making person but I could not consult with her since she was out of town. Prof. C was the only person whom I was able to share my burden of carrying a job, which indeed I was not working!! I eventually wrote a letter and informed Andrea! No more job, no more suffering, actually self suffering!

Read some case studies on diversity, mostly were of my interests! Thanks Prof. F!! He is a great man of knowledge, at least we all could enjoy! Perhaps, I could not survive if he would not be at the Center!

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June 6-8, 2011 Mon-Wed

My colleagues, 14 members in the class, did not enjoy the class with Prof. H. Not bad professor but of strict rules unless the professor with advanced level of students. I did not have any complain with his politics of education class because I was trying to see how education is politics. Plus, I had heard a lot about his rules and guidelines. As he was my advisor, I could not say anything against his way! His way was the only way for me at the Center!
I got impressive educational background of Prof. H like mine, degrees in English and education and what not! Great! I could read him! Much tired with three long days' classes—much on diversity, and less on politics of education. There were case studies in both class, and I enjoyed them! No complain…first time I was learning something new…something practical that I never find in my English degrees, especially reading fictions.

Feel sad for not fixing minor report at SGA/International Office. I wish I could respond before CK wrote an email about writing a check. I worked so much to run a program but damn Nepali fellow did not help me to success the program. I hate for not working on the JONSA because they did not encourage. I hate air headed DN for keeping me down in my team! Dammed ass!
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June 9-12, 2011 Thu-Sun

A wonderful meeting with Osa who furnished some information on my dissertation concept. Great person, helpful and cooperative whom I have an opportunity to have at my apartment! We have a good rapport because I am a colleague of his other half at the Center.

Weekend but no fun! Books and writings for assignments! Busy summer, the busy life!
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June 13-16, 2011 Mon-Thu

Char was back from her interview from the Western Missouri State! I was happy to have her in my work place. Good week, all four classes with Profs. F & H were helpful though many of my friends did not like Prof. H. He is sort of boring and outdated yet a good one! Turned in our papers, and enjoyed over all.

Felt bad because Dr. M, dean of COE, emailed me about my broken computer! DA! Dean emailed me for that little work! As the rule of college, I was not allowed to make hard drive partition or download some software! Who the hell could let me download the software as all of them need a license! What the hell it was! I agreed his guidelines because his way or highway!
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June 17-19, 2011 Fri-Sun

Dr. Brockington from Kalamazoo spoke with me. Great time with a great professor, as I bought his ideas. I meet him on a paper and continued through emails. Thankful to him for his contrastive suggestions on my work! He was the only who answered my emails though I sent for about 10 people who worked in the student affairs.

Dinner with Char and her son at Caraway! First time it was for me as we waited for an hour for our dinner. Losterita was a fantastic drink, and I was kicked. Who cared it was Friday!
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June 20-22, 2011 Mon-Wed

Nothing new! Half boiled because of three day long classes. No further charm of learning those court cases and ethical reasoning leadership! Yet, I turned in papers. Char furnished some of my loopholes. Now one more week to go!
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June 23-26, 2011 Th-Sun

Two lovely days at least! I was able to share my publication that came out on faculty focus! I shared these two publications, and the one that came in 3L to my colleagues and professors! Thanks, I got time to say something for my friends! Barry was happy! Yes, he is my prof!

Went to Sun publication with Prof. W to take a picture because I was given AAUP award of this year! At least I got something for summer fees!
Nothing new in the weekend! No time for Rita in this entire month! Sorry!
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June 27-30, 2011 Mon-Fri

First three days became the most difficult one! We submitted our papers! Worked so much, for the first time, for our presentations! Kiss10 failed in her paper. Felt so sad because it was shame to see my fellow American being failed in their language! DA!!

I checked the Sun but I did not see where my picture published! DA not to subscribe a paper! Planned to go to library next week!

Birthday week! Nothing—no cake, not celebration, no outing! Sorry Rita! Only a card but signed by all staff and professor at the Center! Good job my team! Love you!
The last presentation was on 8th floor of the library! Four experts in the show! Taken picture, presented well, the final day of the class! Great time with all.

Feel sad because Don lost his wallet! DA, Don!
Mom was sure to go home! In rushed, I could not think!

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But the reality has not taken place yet

Little panic

Some boredom

Less certainty

I am holding them

Just hoping another miracle

That has not happened yet

Two springs gone

I recalled bygone thirty springs

Still waiting more

Little fear

Less possibility

I am holding them

Just expecting another miracle

That has not happened yet

Contaminated surrounding

Headless scholars

A large predication

Unmeasured results

They feed you one after another

Just keeping you on the track

The rest and the charm

Just has bygone through me

Wrong forecasting

Illusive and appealing traps

They put on your way

I am holding some

Just expecting a real change

That has not happened yet